This article is by a Chinese mother on how practices of Chinese mothers are superior to Western mothers. She makes 3 statements about Chinese practices:
1. "Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't."
2. "Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything."
3. "Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences."
At first reading, I was appalled by most of what was in the article. Then I really focused on the following statement by the author: "All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that." I know for sure that these aren't practices that I would be a part of, but it seems to work for their culture.
What are you thoughts/ideas?
I am glad I did not have a chinese mother. My mother was the antithesis to the chinese way. There was little to no criticism, and not a large amount of pushing. And I turned out ok. I definitely see advantages to the chinese way, and also advantages to the western way. It becomes difficult to make a definitive statement on what is better. I think both methods produce positive and negative results. Taking the sum of each I don't think there would be much of a difference.
ReplyDeleteI think that each method relies on the culture it works in. In America the Chinese method may be frowned on. In China the Western way is probably just as frowned on. All I know is that I am glad I did not have to practice an instrument for hours on end every day, and I turned out good.
As usual, I have no definite answer or conclusion. I did have a friend in high school whose mother was born and bred in China. She threw him out of the house temporarily because he had a lower grade than she wanted him to have. It seems extreme, but he was studying at Princeton last I heard. He seems fairly successful.
ReplyDeleteMy upbringing was mixed. Though it was not expected that I always have A's, the C's and D's I habitually got in middle school and junior high elicited responses that were far from enjoyable. This is perhaps for the best; I am lazy by nature and would otherwise have gone for mediocrity to this day, although I now enjoy getting A's and to a large degree measure my worth by my grades. I never experienced the level of verbal abuse this mother inflicted on her child, however; the most vehement criticism was usually a bit complimentary in a way, though rather loudly expressed, e.g. "you're smart! How come you're getting a "D" in English?" I also was not allowed to play video games, and I wish I never played computer games. I played an instrument that was chosen for me. Heck, my mother even called me fat once, when I was ten (this was not representative of her parenting, though; she regrets it and even cried when I casually mentioned it once). I did not have sleepovers. I was, however, allowed to watch television and my mother would have been thrilled if I had taken to the stage.
Coming from a mixed background, I can see good and bad effects from both approaches. I can see why demanding a lot from your child is good. It is possible that the verbal abuse is seen as loving. It is very possible that it is loving. I would like to see some studies on the effects of such parenting emotionally and socially as well as academically and in the career world. I also wonder if the mother here is representative of all such Chinese mothers in general, or if she only thinks she is. I also wonder about the incidence of anorexia among their daughters, anorexia often being found in girls who come from families that demand a lot.
Aaron, you seemed to have turned out 'okay' and 'good'. ;)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I think parenting must be based upon children's needs. Anything beyond and above that is great. I believe that what is 'appropriate' depends greatly on the culture that the family lives in. I think Aaron and Alex have made valid points about the parenting styles they experienced. I know that my parents treated each of my siblings and I differently because of our needs. They were MUCH stricter with one of my younger brothers than with me (because I was perfect...wink, wink). I don't know if calling children lazy or ungrateful will help the parents much. Of course this again depends upon the culture the family lives in. I guess that's what it all boils down to: culture and what is accepted by that culture. And because America is a mix of many cultures almost anything goes. Right?