The video is about 7 minutes longer and somewhat shocking. The written story isn't that great, it's a good introduction but the video is most informative.
It is about a woman who decided to leave husband and two kids. Her explanations of why seem a little shocking to me. I personally don't respect her decision at all. I think it gives a bit of a glimpse into how individualistic Americans can be. Surprisingly the individualism came out in a collective culture.
She left her kids 10 years ago and now has a relationship with them but still does not appear to be very involved. She calls the time together quality time but it seems she is not interested in any quantity of time.
The informal today show poll about how 28 percent of the women polled wanted to leave kids was kind of shocking.
In the video she did not show very much affect, she was rather flat. She almost smiled when talking about time with her kids now.
It seems like this is a very intense topic. Does a women/mom fulfill her career dreams or take care of a family? I would have to agree with Aaron that this clip really points out our countries individualist nature, especially for women. In response to the clip, I think there might be a lot more to the story than what is being shared. I personally think there would have been a better way of going about trying to fit motherhood and writing a successful book into the same paradigm. Perhaps it is also important for women to 'find' themselves before a family is involved. Finding yourself, or knowing your identity before children come into the picture might help decrease the likelihood that a woman would be inclined to leave responsibility and family behind.
ReplyDeleteI think this does bring up some very interesting points about individualism and its effects on families. While I don't condon anyone abadoning their children, I would also like to point out that this same event happens daily and hourly with fathers/husbands choosing to leave their family's for a number of reasons. This is evidenced in the 14 million female headed single parent households versus the 5 million male headed households (America's Family's and Living Arrangements, 2007). And while we have polcies to encourage fatherhood and whole agencies dedicated to collecting child support from the proverbial "dead beat dad" we don't always realize that woman may do the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI also have to agree with Jen. There is probably more to this story then what is shown. Perhaps mental health issues or domestic violence were involved. It is very easy for us to say this mother should not have left her children but perhaps there are good reasons for it and perhaps those children are better off today. I think that is the struggle with creating family policy . . . there are so many sides to a story and we often create policy with only one side in mind and we vilianize the other side. This too represent an individualistic nature rather then taking into account the needs of all.
I cannot judge this woman, as I do not know her or her circumstances. Even then, doubt I would feel qualified to condemn. I can say, however, that the whole philosophy that seems to be behind this is foreign to my way of thinking. The line about how her greatest fear is "spending all of my life for someone else" is utterly alien. In my way of thinking, the most rewarding experiences come from sacrificing for others. From my point of view, a person has failed miserably in life, no matter what else they gain, if they have sought first and foremost their own will and convenience, especially if they have shelved family relations for that purpose. This is perhaps related to my upbringing in a house of thirteen children; a significant portion of my life has been spent making sacrifices, especially of time for them. From tending a crying baby in the middle of the night to driving high school students to play practice, I have found all of it to be the most rewarding aspect of my life, even though the tea parties with younger sisters have had the propensity to be incredibly boring. I feel that no other success trumps helping a child, particularly your own. This is not to say I am somehow better than the woman here; I am often a fairly selfish person (yes, i do believe that individualism and the all-consuming search for Self to be fairly selfish). Too often there is a disconnect between my ideals and my actions. However, I can say that the basic philosophy does not sit well with me.
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